Many people had told me that delivering a TED talk could change my life. And they were right — but not only in the ways that I’d imagined.

There were the changes I’d hoped for: I got to meet extraordinary people, and I acquired (rather preposterously from the point of view of my younger, stage-frightened self) an international career as a public speaker. There were the changes I couldn’t have imagined: my book became a multi-year bestseller, and Bill Gates knows my name.

But it turns out that one of the most interesting changes that occurred as a result of my TED talk was a small shift. Although it’s small, it enriches my life every day: I no longer have to make small talk. Once people realize that I’m the one who gave “that introvert talk” — a talk that, if nothing else, was frankly vulnerable — they feel comfortable sharing their own vulnerabilities with me.

I’ve had the most charismatic person at an event confide that he’s secretly shy and wearing a social mask. I’ve met a mom (many moms, actually) who, within minutes of shaking my hand, tearfully recounted the challenges her quiet child has faced. But often, I meet strangers who open up to me in ways that have nothing to do with shyness or introversion at all. I have talked with these brand-new friends about their career aspirations, their marriages and divorces, their fondest relationships, and their wildest dreams.

In conversations like these, I don’t get bored and tired the way I used to at networking events. Why would I? I get to connect with fellow humans across what once would have seemed an impassable chasm of social awkwardness. And I’ve come to realize that the problem with “networking” is not talking to strangers but rather making small talk with strangers — a subtle but crucial difference.

I’ve also learned something important about people. We’re all insecure — even the shiny, well-coiffed types. We’re all vulnerable. And no one likes small talk any more than you do. We introverts tend to think it’s just us, but studies show that small talk is universally dreaded We all want to connect at a deep level. The only question is, how do you find the magical portal to the deep stuff?

I can’t advise you to give an “introvert talk” at TED, only because it’s already been done. But try these suggestions:

Collect kindred spirits.

Your goal, in life and at networking events, should be to find your people. Forget the whole idea of “networking.” It’s a soulless, mechanistic word that encourages people to think of each other as instrumental cogs in a machine. Instead, look for people whose company you truly enjoy — people you sincerely like and want to keep in touch with. After you’ve met two or three of them, your work is done. Now you can go back to your hotel room and watch a movie in your pajamas.

Focus on what you’re doing — not what you’re getting, or even giving.

You’ve probably heard that networking is about giving, not taking. This is a terrific sentiment, but it’s given rise to a networking culture of people asking each other “how can I help you?” in a thinly disguised attempt to ask “how can you help me?” It’s as if we’ve all been to the same networking seminar. So instead, focus on being sincere. Ask yourself: What are you doing in this world? How does your work relate to your life path? How do the relationships you make at work — and at this very networking event — relate to that path? If you operate from this center, people will feel it. They will naturally want to help you, and you will instinctively look to help them.

Give the speech.

Shy people will be surprised to hear this, but it’s much easier to attend a networking event if you’re the one giving the speech. Once you step off stage, everyone knows you. Even more, they know just how to start a conversation with you! You don’t have to give a grand keynote to make this work. Volunteer to give a short five-minute talk during a low-key breakout session at the next gathering you attend, and watch how it breaks the ice. If you’re deathly afraid of public speaking, as I once was, stay tuned. I plan to publish a post on how to overcome stage fright.

Prepare a few talking points.

Since right this very minute you might be swearing that there’s no way you’re volunteering to give a speech, here’s Plan B. Prepare some topics you might bring up in conversation: your thoughts on a speaker or your past experiences on the city you’re visiting. It doesn’t matter the topic as long as it’s likely to hold common interest with the person you’re speaking to. Once the conversation is off to the races, use your natural introvert talent of asking lots of curious questions and listening intently to the answers. Just take care not to cross the invisible line into Charlie Rose Q&A territory — make sure to offer a few comments of your own.

Set a quota.

Decide in advance how many networking events you will attend per week, per month, per quarter. Select the events carefully — pick the ones that are genuinely interesting to you so you’re excited to be there. The rest of the time you’re allowed to stay home without guilt or FOMO.

Choose your people.

Before the event, find a list of attendees, and pick the ones you want to know and have a decent reason for contacting. Reach out to them in advance, whether via LinkedIn, other social media, or an email introduction from a mutual friend. Not everyone will reply, but that’s okay. Some will! Set up a meeting if you can. Instead of wandering the halls during breaks, looking for someone to talk to, arrange for pre-scheduled one-on-one sessions so you know where to go, with whom, and what to talk about once you get there.

Pace yourself, and be strategic.

When attending long conferences, plan how many and which events to attend. Which topics sincerely interest you? At what time of day are you at your best? Some people are freshest in the morning. Others, like me, are most relaxed in the evening. I can literally feel my cortisol levels melt away as the shadows lengthen. You must know yourself and honor your preferences. At most conferences, there’s pressure to attend all events. Resist this, knowing that you’ll be at your best and have more to give if you allow yourself to recharge, whether by browsing the bookstore, taking a walk, or eating chocolate ice cream at the hotel coffee shop.

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You’ve probably heard conventional advice about networking: Practice your elevator pitch, try approaching people standing alone (they’ll be happy someone is talking to them), memorize icebreaker questions (“How did you hear about this group?” “What’s the most difficult part of your job?”).

Those are fine pieces of advice for certain kinds of events and certain kinds of people (ahem, extroverts). But, what if the thought of going to such an event in the first place fills you with anxiety?

Then, you might just be an introvert.

Some say that an introvert is someone who, rather than being energized by spending time with others, expends energy being with others — and needs to recharge by being alone.

In 1995, it would have been pretty hard to network without attending events and schmoozing. But, today, it’s possible to use the ol’ Internet to do most of your networking — without ever standing around eating cheese cubes.

Here’s how to make networking less awful by doing as much as possible at home, alone, in sweatpants.

Your Reputation Must Precede You

To an introvert, the most loathsome parts of events are making small talk with strangers, explaining over and over again what it is you do, and standing around awkwardly.

You can avoid all of this by never going anywhere, unless the people there already know who you are.

How do you do this? Create amazing work, get it out there, and make sure your name is on it. Sure, that’s easier if you’re a writer. But, guess what? We’re all writers now. Caitlin Doughty is a mortician, but she makes a witty video series that promotes her brand (“Ask a Mortician”). If you’re a restaurateur or a CPA, you should be producing media: articles, white papers, videos.

If the work you’re putting out isn’t interesting enough, be more interesting. Address the elephant in the room. If everyone’s talking getting women into STEM careers, write about how to get sexist men out of STEM careers (intriguing!). If everyone says they want to further women in Industry X, but actually everyone just wants to make more money, write a guide to making more money.

Have a website that showcases your work. Yes, you have to have a photo. Video is even better. Next time you ditch an event because it’s raining and you hate those things, use the time to work on your online presence.

Do it right, and in a year you can walk into a room and people will rush to talk to you. You won’t have to explain what you do. The conversations will be more meaningful because they began with your work.

Use Intellectualism To Your Advantage

Were you pretty good at writing papers in college? Probably a lot better and faster at it than some of your more extroverted colleagues?

Great! Write some white papers. A white paper is basically like the papers you wrote in college, except that you use them as advertising. Well-written white papers are truly the least objectionable form of self-promotion.

Some Possible Formats:

1. Write a how-to manual for whatever it is you do. Brain-dump a lot of technical information. Include a section on how to work with a professional (like yourself) and the lessons you’ve learned in your work with clients. People will know that means you’re for hire.
2. Write about the pros and cons of several ways to accomplish something. Surprise: One of those ways is whatever you’re selling. But, be honest: “If you’re a small business, you might want to do X manually. But, if you have 20+ employees, software like ours will save you money.” Then, show the math.
3. “Top 10 Mistakes,” or most important dos and don’ts. Again, if you include case studies and lessons learned from your work with clients, people will figure out that you can be enticed to do things in exchange for money.

People sometimes pass on white papers to colleagues or print them for meetings. So, make sure your contact information is on every page, with a larger block at the end with all your links and information. Or, give yourself a bio page.

You can also use intellectualism to your advantage by passing on substantive articles to colleagues, contacts, and superiors. Provide a bit of thoughtful analysis and include the most relevant paragraph in the email (so the person doesn’t have to go read the article before replying). The person will think: “How nice of her to read the Harvard Business Review and forward me the exact part that helps me.”

Big plus: All of this can be done in front of a computer while in your pj’s, which is probably how you wrote those college papers, too.

Glom On To A Bubbly Extrovert

If you have limited social energy, don’t try to spread it all around. Instead, focus it on an extrovert or two and let them work their magic.

I’m not kidding. A lot of extroverts are proud of how social they are and like to be recognized for this. And, just as you might feel insecure about your social skills, they might feel insecure that people don’t think they have important things to say, or that they’re “just” the life of the party.

You can help each other. (See “The Power of Quiet,” a Susan Cain speech illustrated by Molly Crabapple, which talks about how introverts and extroverts can complement one another’s strengths.)

How do you meet an extrovert? Sometimes, they come to you — that’s what they do. Or, sometimes, you keep hearing the same name, someone everyone seems to know. Great! Send her an email that says exactly that. Hi, I work with [mutual friend] and [mutual friend], who both mentioned you’re the person to talk to about X. I hope you don’t mind if I send you a request to connect on LinkedIn. I just thought I’d make contact — do you attend any of the [industry group] events?

Once you meet that unicorn who keeps introducing you to other people and opportunities, hang on and don’t let go! Also, thank your extrovert. Compliment the extrovert to the people she introduced you to (it’ll get back to her). Send her any opportunities she might benefit from passing on to others (for instance, a job listing at your company that hasn’t been posted yet). Try to reciprocate as much as you can. If you do brave an in-person event, ask her which ones she’s going to. You can’t stay stuck to her all night, but you’ll feel more at ease if you start off with someone you know. Besides, she’s probably pretty good at setting you up in a conversation before moving on.

Network With Other Introverts

Do you like books? Nonfiction books in your field? Great! You know who are often introverts? Authors.

Read books and send thoughtful emails to every author. Make your email long enough to show you read the book and you’re a smart cookie, but not long enough to be creepy. Then ask a question — one that’s easy to answer — to increase your chances of getting a response.

Formula: I loved your book. Here are a few things I thought were very helpful and insightful. Here is a question that will take you less than a minute to answer, and that I could not have just Googled [because everyone is annoyed when you use them as human Google]. Thanks so much for writing this book. Your Name, followed by a signature that allows the person to find out more about you.

Who else hates schmoozing but would be good to get to know? A lot of people in tech. There are plenty of people who feel like making software is a real thing and chatting with strangers is not a real thing, and that everyone should sit down and do real things. Talk to those people.

The great thing about networking with other introverts is that you do not, at any point, have to upgrade the relationship to loud nights together in which you hop from bar to bar, doing deals over drinks. You can keep the relationship entirely online, or possibly venture out of your respective caves for coffee.

Is it hard to find other introverts? Then…

Plan Your Own Events

It might seem counterintuitive that someone who dislikes in-person events should host in-person events. But, it isn’t. Many introverts feel more comfortable when they have a defined role within a group. Many performers are actually introverts — they feel fine on stage, but miserable trying to mingle with a crowd.

Events don’t have to be fancy. You can hold an event at home and control the milieu. Are you 25? Have a spaghetti dinner and serve cheap wine. In 20 years, your friends and colleagues will, in general, be more successful and eat fancier food, and they’ll look back fondly on all the amazing connections they made sitting on your living room rug because there weren’t enough chairs.

Don’t want people in your house? Find a bar that doesn’t get a lot of business on a Monday night — preferably one with a private room — and hold an event there. (Plenty of spaces won’t charge you anything, since you’re bringing in paying customers.) Ask a friend or two to arrive at the same time as you so you’re not waiting by yourself during the first half-hour. Then, when you get tired, you can slip out early and be on your couch in time to get the “awesome event, sorry I missed you” texts.

In fact, hold an event called “Introvert Networking.” You could host it in a library or an office lounge or some other non-bar space. Advertise “Limited to 10 people. Everyone gets to sit on a couch or armchair. We’ll begin with introductions about what everyone is working on, discuss this month’s question — [intriguing topic] — and then chat until 8 p.m. or so.” Introverts tend to be more comfortable when they are prepared for the exact social situation they will encounter.

Figure out something that works, and hold the same event two to four times a year. People will start to look forward to your events and say things like, “Oh, you should come to one of Jane’s Introvert Prosecco-and-Chocolate Tastings.”

Wherever you hold your event, tell everyone you invite that they’re welcome to bring someone — but ask them to tell you ahead of time who they’re bringing. Look up those people and figure out who you really want to know. Then, when the event happens, you’ll know virtually everyone there. All those new people? They were introduced to you in a context in which you were the most important person in the room, and that’s a good way to meet people. It takes the pressure off you, which lets you shift your energy toward being a kind, charming, magnanimous host.

The post An Introvert’s Guide To Networking — In Your Sweats appeared first on Résumé Writing and Career Services.

You’re a leader, right? Doesn’t that mean you’re fearless?

Maybe on some things but the prospect of changing careers has stopped you cold. You probably don’t admit this to very many people.

Is this you?

It would seem we are more comfortable seeking divorce from our spouse than divorce from our job. The divorce rate is much higher than voluntary turnover (when you leave by your own choice).

If this is the year you are finally going to make this important, life changing decision, here are some reasons for your fear and what to do about it. You don’t have to wait any longer.

#1: Fear of the unknown. At this point, you have no clue what you would go do. As a result, you are left inside your own head conjuring up a thousand possible things that could go wrong.

Fix: You control your thinking. When these thoughts enter your head, simply tell yourself you don’t yet know enough to have anything to fear. Brush off this unknown boogieman.

#2: Fear you won’t like where you’re headed. You might not like where you’ve been and even if you do, we grow very fond of our job situation simply because we, at least, know what we’re dealing with.

Fix: Vow that your new career exploration will include plenty of investigation so you know exactly what to expect. Far too many people don’t do the work they need to in order to fully understand the career they are headed to. This is an easy fix, as long as you do the work.

#3: Fear of lost income. You’d be starting over again, right? You couldn’t possibly take a pay cut, you have too many things dependent on your income. Besides, you’d feel personally deflated by a loss of income.

Fix: Figure out the very least you could live on for a few years and make that your cut off point. Not all career changes imply that you have to take a pay cut. Don’t make assumptions until you’ve done your homework and research.

#4: You’d have to retool yourself. As you are looking out the window, you’re making the assumption that to make a change, you need to go back to school. You might feel like that it’s too late or you don’t want to invest your time at this point.

Fix: When you are on the journey to decide your new career, you can pick and whole list of criteria for what would constitute a good, next step. Just like income, if you know you’re not equipped for school any more, make that part of your criteria for selection. Most jobs don’t require a specific degree. Certification programs exist which are usually short in duration, if that makes sense for the direction you’re taking.

#5: You don’t know what you’d do. You don’t really even know the first step you’d take to figure out what to do next. Do you go apply for jobs that sound good?

Fix: First, step away from the resume. Changing careers by doing a job search usually results in massive disappointment. You might “find” something but usually you don’t find something you love. Deciding on a career is a journey of investigation, research and exploration. You won’t figure out a new career by sitting on the couch our in your office. You also need to possess a good measure of patience as this won’t be an overnight discovery.

Make a career change this year and start the exploration now. You deserve to have a career you love.

The post Introvert Leadership: Five Reasons You Might Fear Career Change and What To Do About It appeared first on Résumé Writing and Career Services.

As an introvert leader, it’s no mystery to you that you need to expand your network. Nevertheless, that knowledge has done very little to prompt you to do anything about it – has it?

It’s a lot like losing weight. You know you should be exercising and eating right but you just never get around to doing the right thing for yourself.

I could get into all the various reasons why this is your situation, along with scores of others out there just like you. The important thing, is what are you going to do about it?

I might also point out that while your introverted tendencies play a part in your lack of expansion, it’s not the only reason.

Let’s look at some things you could do right now to start your networking expansion project:

Tip #1: Start small. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. When you’re done reading this article, get up and make contact with someone.

Tip #2: Avoid overwhelming yourself. One issue us introverts have is allowing things like networking to overwhelm us and that tends to shut us down before we ever get started. Don’t plan to parachute into a networking event you dread going to. Just extend yourself at your place of business. Get to know a vendor or customer better.

Tip #3: Enjoy yourself. If you only look at the grim aspect of meeting strangers, you have a right to avoidance. Think about this: everyone you know right now, other than your family, used to be a stranger to you. Think of this as going in search for a new BFF.

Tip #4: Hang a sign around your neck. OK, not a real tip but thought I’d toss that out to see if you were paying attention.

Tip #5: Don’t take things so seriously. Introverts can tend to over think things, especially things we don’t know very well. Just because you have a history of someone not calling you back or not acting interested in you when you met them – it’s not about you! Don’t take their behavior personally.

Tip #6: Script out your greeting. Because we like to plan and to be thoughtful, write out several different things you could say to start conversations. Practice these in the car on your way to an event or in your office before you meet someone new. It will improve your confidence by knowing how to get started.

Tip #7: Make a plan. With something so open-ended like networking, you will probably keep doing nothing if you haven’t thought through what you want to accomplish. Your plan should have a target of how many people you want to develop relationships with (you define what that might look like) and your activities that will get you there. Put these activities in your calendar to help you stay accountable.

Networking may never be the most fun thing you do but the outcome of new relationships will be very rewarding in countless ways. Start today.

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Whether you’re happily employed or seriously hunting for a new job, schmoozing is smart policy. But what if you’re the type who’d rather stick needles in her eyes than “work a room”? Here are five super-helpful strategies from the pros.

Make a to-do list. Purposeless networking is extra-daunting. Before heading to an event, jot down what you want to get out of it, says Cheryl Palmer, a career coach based in Washington, D.C. Examples: gaining intel on a particular company, catching a specific speaker, or saying hello to former colleagues who will probably be in attendance.

Stay only 20 minutes. “It’s perfectly fine to promise yourself that you’ll leave within a half hour, as long as you accomplish your goals,” says Michelle Tenzyk, the president of East Tenth Group, a human resources and leadership consulting firm in New York City. But don’t be a stickler. “If you happen to be having a good time,” says Tenzyk, “stay longer.”

Think quality, not quantity. Strive to “make one or two new meaningful connections with people whose company you enjoy,” says Susan Cain, the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking ($10, bn.com). Don’t push yourself to shake every hand in the room. Susan Jewkes Allen, a San Francisco–based career coach (and an introvert), has had luck with this plan. She recalls attending events with an extremely extroverted CEO who aimed to collect as many business cards as possible. “I would set a much smaller, focused goal,” she says. “I’d try to meet, say, four people who work in business development, which was my field at the time. And in the end the CEO and I would realize the same results.”

Script your intro. Samuel C. Pease, a managing director at New Directions, an executive career-coaching firm in Boston, helps clients draft a three-sentence elevator pitch that nails down their unique talents, their professional background, the kinds of jobs they’re seeking, and the “ask” – a.k.a. the next thing they need. Not sure how to craft your own pitch? Get the basics down first, including what might bring you closer to your larger goal (inside info on new ventures in your field, say, or a personal introduction to a power player). Then put this into language that feels natural, not forced, coming out of your mouth. Practice in the mirror. Also, be prepared with a few specific questions. Once you get someone else talking, you can relax and listen.

Duck out now and then. If you’re at a big event, like a conference, resist the pressure to attend too many panels and parties, says Cain. Taking much-needed breaks helps introverts recharge. Return to your hotel room, go for a walk, or find a quiet spot in the lobby where you can decompress. As you probably know, introverts draw energy from being alone, while extroverts draw it from being around others. Stepping away for a few minutes will help you come back stronger.

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When I openly discuss Introverted Leadership, it gets a lot of reaction. The one that interests me the most is when people don’t know for sure they are an introvert. All they know is that they face daily challenges that come from their own tendencies.

Are you facing challenges due to your own behavior?

My view on this is that it doesn’t really matter if you are an “official” introvert as measured by the Meyers-Briggs assessment. What matters is that if you are faced with some introverted tendencies (which we all have at times) – do they get in your way of achieving your goals?

I’ve highlighted a few of these tendencies below. If they sound familiar, then consider the solutions that follow.

At a loss for what to say. Introverts tend to listen more than they speak. They also tend to speak only when there is a purpose and they have something meaningful to say. The challenge is recognizing that there are times when you know you should speak up, but you’re not sure what to say.

Solution: Use some of your classic curiosity and ask a question. We all suffer from coming up with the best, fastest comment. Give yourself some time and ask a question. While someone else is formulating an answer, you have time to create a great comment.

Solution: Repeat others’ comments. You’ll notice in conversations that a significant amount of what is being said is simply just regurgitated commentary. Don’t be afraid to repeat others as well as yourself – it’s how points get made.

Work relationships are sluggish or nonexistent. While you may not be opposed to work relationships, you may not deliberately go out of your way to form them. The issue is that when you need relationships the most, you may not have them. You need alliances early in the game to help you with all kinds of things. For example, other people help with your training, offer insights on internal dynamics, and know where the “land mines” are.

Solution: First figure out with whom you might want to affiliate. Perhaps you like them or they have a grasp on things that you admire. Pick people you think have some type of natural affinity. Take time everyday to chat with these people or have coffee with them on a routine basis. Developing relationships doesn’t have to be time consuming or unnatural.

You get droopy. A classic introvert tendency is that your energy level gets spent quickly, especially when it involves others. Once the energy is depleted, it becomes increasingly difficult to speak up, stay engaged or interact with others.

Solution: Plan ahead. If you know this happens to you consistently, plan for it to happen and create strategies to keep your batteries charged. This might mean that you plan some desk time working on a project before and after a meeting. Look at meetings like a marathon runner. Charge your batteries ahead of time and then pace yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you’re an occasional or full-time introvert. If you kick into tendencies that don’t help you accomplish what you need to, you can make some adaptations that will help you be the powerhouse you know you can be.

The post Overcoming Introverted Tendencies that Might Limit Your Leadership Growth appeared first on Résumé Writing and Career Services.

Success is largely determined by an ability to play to your strengths. If you happen to be shy or introverted, don’t limit your dreams or count yourself out just because you don’t fit the traditional image of an entrepreneur. There is more than one path to success.

Networking events, however, tend to be designed for a particular personality – the “work hard, play hard,” never-met-a-stranger type. Rooms filled with crowds of people – not to mention the pressure to be interesting and likeable – is enough to give most introverts sweaty palms.

While visibility is a natural part of networking, that doesn’t mean you have to be the center of attention. Rather than approaching networking like an extrovert, introverts should relax, plan ahead and let their true personalities shine through.

Here are some helpful hints.

1. Manage expectations.
If networking events make you nervous, don’t psych yourself out with unrealistic expectations. You may not meet 20 new contacts or impress others with your best joke – and that’s okay. One quality conversation is more beneficial than 20 superficial ones.

2. Prepare.
Plan ahead and prepare some icebreakers. Open-ended questions spur interesting conversations. Most people love to talk about themselves, their work and their hobbies. Ask questions like, “How long have you been a member of the host organization?” or “What’s your favorite part of your job?”

3. Set a time limit.
When you decide ahead of time how long you’ll stay at an event, it makes the commitment finite and much less intimidating. At a minimum, give yourself 20 minutes to get your nametag, grab a drink and meet at least one new person. Often, all you need is a few minutes to adjust to the environment. You may be surprised at how often you’ll stay longer than planned.

4. Ask for an introduction.
If there’s a particular person you’d like to meet, try to find a common connection and request an introduction. LinkedIn makes this very easy – and if that doesn’t work, approach the event’s host. You’ll get much further with an introduction from a common acquaintance than approaching someone out of the blue.

5. Practice empathetic listening.
Introverts are usually fully-engaged and fantastic listeners. Because most people are better at talking than listening, you’ll stand out as someone who values others.

6. Share your personal stories.
Challenge yourself to open up. If you ask consecutive questions without sharing information about yourself, it can start to feel like an interrogation. Participating in the conversation will help it to flow more naturally.

7. Practice.
If you’re still extremely nervous or unsure, challenge yourself with low- or no-risk situations. Drive to a networking event in the next town over where you likely won’t know anyone. Experiment with new conversation-starters or stories. That way, even if you make a complete fool of yourself, it won’t matter.

8. Take small steps.
With increased practice, you’ll become more comfortable in social situations and with sharing your true personality. Make it a habit to take advantage of everyday opportunities to network. At the office, take small breaks to walk around and casually socialize with your colleagues. Once a week, invite a colleague to join you for lunch or coffee.

The post Break The Ice: 8 Networking Tips For Introverts appeared first on Résumé Writing and Career Services.

Is there anything an introvert hates more than networking?

Probably not. At least, not with the introverts I come in contact with.

I hope to reduce the tension level about this all-critical career enhancing activity. It’s not as bad as it seems, but perhaps more important than you realize.

Let’s address some myths about networking. I think it will help you get going on networking and help you while you are.

Myth #1: Networking is going to networking events full of people you don’t know.
Reality: No. If your goal is to widen your network of people, you should be going to events with people who share your interests or commonality. Stop going to generic networking events.

Myth #2: You should meet as many people as you can.
Reality: You are going for quality not quantity. Each person you meet you need to engage well enough that you know if there is real connection and interest. Don’t be superficial.

Myth #3: Work the room.
Reality: If you go to an event with the sole purpose of meeting large numbers of people, there is no way you can possibly engage with anyone in a meaningful way. You don’t want to “work the room”. You want to find a small handful of people to have meaningful connections with.

Myth #4: Move on if they can’t do something for you.
Reality: Networking can feel very predatory if all you are after is what the other person can do for you. The rule is to give to the relationship first, before making demands on it. If you don’t, the other person will feel used and run from you as fast as possible.

Myth #5: You have to be outgoing or extraverted to network successfully.
Reality: While you do have to be willing to start a conversation with a stranger, you need to be who you are authentically. Don’t try to change who you are, simply adapt some behaviors to comfortably start conversations so you feel confident while doing so.

Myth #6: Success in networking is a stack of business cards.
Reality: You should collect business cards or contact information. Again, you aren’t going for a stack – you’re going after a few. While you’re at it, make notes on the card so you can remember what you spoke to this person about so the next time you see them, you will pick up where you left off. They’ll love you for remembering.

Myth #7: Don’t spend too much time with any one person.
Reality: If you don’t spend enough time with a person you meet, you’ll never learn enough to know if there is the potential for an ongoing relationship. Networking is about relationships and reciprocity. You will miss both things if you are flitting around the room like a hummingbird.

Networking. It’s too important to your career to ignore or do poorly but there are myths out there that certainly don’t inspire introverts. Fortunately, most of those myths are wrong.

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